Sweet Sleep

We are fostering two six-week-old kittens. They sleep together all the time, and cry if we try to move them apart. Every morning when we let them roam around the house they frolic and play, going on individual scouting missions, and then they find each other again when it is time to sleep. We often find them in a congealed ball in our dog’s food bowl. They have a huge amount of room to choose from, but they always end up as close to one another as possible. We also have a studio apartment that we are currently renting to twins. We warned them that it was too small for two people to share for any length of time and they replied, “We’re twins, we shared a womb!” While this was meant slightly tongue in cheek, what occurred to me was that, like the kittens, people who are linked to one another long for and seek out physical closeness. Likewise, after spending 9 months in the sanctity and warmth of a mother’s womb, a newborn baby needs and thrives on close physical contact as often as possible. Co-sleeping is just one of the ways to ensure that the bond between mothers and their babies grows deeper by the day. (For simplicity, I will use the word “mother” to mean fathers and other close caretakers from here on out.)

Co-sleeping is a term that in some ways seems odd. I don’t say that I “co-sleep” with my husband. We sleep together in the same bed, most often at the same time. I also know people who prefer different beds, even when sharing a room with a spouse or loved one.  Again, choices made in the privacy of one’s own home are exactly that: private. There is no one who can tell you that you must or must not sleep with your baby. It is a highly charged conversation in some circles, and in others it’s almost laughable that there is even a term for it. Dr. James J. Mckenna, Ph.D, in his book Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping states, “Almost all, fully 95 percent, of the world sleeps with their baby, and there are only very few cultures in the world for which babies sleeping alone is even thought to be acceptable or desirable.”

Co-sleeping can be one of the sweetest and most memorable times that parents spend with their babies. Dr. Sears, on his website, writes beautifully about his experience with co-sleeping: “In the early years of sleeping with our babies, I watched the sleep-sharing pair nestled next to me. I truly began to believe that a special connection occurs between the sleep-sharing pair that has to be good for baby. Was it brain waves, motion, or just something mysterious in the air that occurs between two people during nighttime touch? I couldn’t help feeling there was something good and healthful about this arrangement.”

A study done in 1994, for the World Health Organization, confirmed this logical suspicion that the closer a baby is to mother’s nose, the higher is the carbon dioxide concentration of the exhaled air, and the concentration of carbon dioxide between the face-to-face pair is possibly just the right amount to stimulate breathing. James J. Mckenna and Thomas McDade, in their review “Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bed sharing and breast feeding,” stated, “At the very least, we hope that the studies and data described in this paper, which show that co-sleeping, at least in the form of room sharing, especially with an actively breast feeding mother, saves lives.” Creating a safe, loving nighttime sleeping environment, and offering the comfort and ease with which nighttime feeding can happen are the reasons most people choose to co-sleep.

So, if co-sleeping is so common in the rest of the world, why do so many mothers choose not to, and what are the reasons?

Before the Industrial Revolution, it was only the wealthy class who had enough rooms to delegate one to a baby or child. The upper class also had people in their employ to care for their babies. At that time, having wet nurses, nannies and governesses was often seen as a personal triumph, a status symbol, or a pin to wear on the sleeve of up and coming families. When more and more people had access to wealth, they wanted to be “just like the Joneses.”

Did you know that having a lawn, which we have become accustomed to believing is part and parcel of our parcel of land around our homes, is also an idea of the rising middle classes. Before, only the rich were able to “waste” their land growing grass that wasn’t meant as fodder for animals and food. Only the wealthy had lawns. The working class used any space they had to raise animals and vegetables. Now, every house you see in suburbia has its own “palace-like” yard. We can see how much time, energy, and water are used to keep them looking royal. I write this not to encourage you to start growing vegetables (although it is a good idea!), but to draw attention to the history of many of our ‘accepted’ practices. When it comes to our babies, we should question the logic of following all trends. It was a trend that sent our babies off to their own rooms. Thankfully this trend has been questioned and many, many people are bringing their babies back to the family bed.

Understandably, new parents (and their well-meaning friends and family) question: Is it safe to sleep with my baby? The answer is a resounding, ‘Yes!’ Sleeping with your baby is safe and is backed up with solid empirical data. There was a spate of anti co-sleeping newsflashes that sought to explain some very sad SIDS cases.  There was also an unusual amount of crib advertisements being made around the same time. Co-sleeping is happening all the time all over the world. None of these countries have a higher incidence of SIDS.

Use common sense when deciding to co-sleep.

  1. Do not sleep with your baby if you are under the influence of any drugs or alcohol that could impair your ability to be aware of your baby’s presence or allow you to wake to your baby’s needs.
  2. Do not co-sleep if one of the parents is obese. Obesity can cause sleep apnea and also the extra body mass can cause breathing obstruction for the baby.
  3. Do not sleep with the baby on a waterbed or other deeply cushioned mattress.
  4. Do not co-sleep if you over-bundle or dress the baby. The body warmth is an extra heating addition and a baby can become overheated if bundled too much.

In general, the guidelines are there to remind parents to be aware of their baby at all times. Babies should be placed on their backs and given the space they need. Mothers need space too. Some mothers choose to use co-sleeping beds. These are specially designed to attach to the bedside to allow the baby to be gently moved away, so that the mother has more room to sleep. This worked especially well for me with our third child, Kaera. She was one of those babies who liked to move like a Ferris wheel while feeding. To this day she seems to be cartwheeling sideways in bed as she sleeps. My husband built a custom made three-sided bed that we used to scoot her into after I fed her. This worked very well for all of us.

Ultimately, the decision is up to the parents. But it’s important to be informed about our decisions, and not to just act out of habit or unfounded opinion. Parents instinctively know, or will soon find out, which way works best for them. Some women cannot sleep well if their babies are too close. These moms need to have a good sound sleep in order to be able to care for their babies. As all moms know, getting a good night’s sleep is worth a million! A well-rested mom is imperative to a family. Other moms cannot sleep well if they aren’t close enough to reach out and touch their infants in the night. The most important factor in deciding whether or not to co-sleep is to figure out if it right for you.

James J. McKenna, Ph.D., author of a new book on the subject called Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping (Washington, DC: Platypus Media, LLC, 2007). Dr. McKenna directs the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame. He has been studying co sleeping for over 25 years.

“Co-Sleeping: Yes, No, Sometimes?”  Sept 9th, 2011
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes

document from the WHO – libdoc.who.int – World Health Organization
http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publications/2004/9241591544_eng.pdf
McKenna JJ, Mosko S, Richard C et al. Mutual behavioral and physiological influences among solitary and co-sleeping mother-infant pairs; Implications for SIDS. Early Human Development 1994; 38: 182–201.

“Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS,bedsharing and breastfeeding,” James J. McKenna and Thomas McDade, PAEDIATRIC RESPIRATORY REVIEWS (2005) 6, 134–152 University of Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Indiana, IN 46556, USA.

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Tammy Jennings is a mother, writer/photographer and teacher. She has taught workshops and classes on women’s wellness, parenting and childbirth education for over 20 years. Presently she is a University lecturer, and has put her “doula cap” away, but she has had the great honor of attending many births. She lives on Oahu with her husband and the last of three children left in the nest! Tammy has a Masters degree in Interdisciplinary Arts and is a certified Childbirth Educator/Doula, Massage Therapist and Nutritional Advisor.

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