I feel very blessed to have nursed all three of my children for varying lengths, but it is since my youngest has stopped nursing that I see something new and special… something unexpected in the bond beyond breastfeeding.
Gwyneth nursed for about 27 months and when she stopped nursing my breasts were not automatically “mine” again, much to my surprise. With my first two children they just sort of moved onto something else – case closed so to speak. Some 9 months now after breastfeeding, Gwenny still claims my breasts as her own and she will fight me if I say that they are mine. She still prefers to fall asleep with her hand on my chest, and if she catches Daddy looking at them she will sometimes cover me up with my blanket and tell me that she is protecting me (or them?). I find it all comical and we play and laugh, but more than anything I am touched by the notion that my body is still her comfort. Though I am no longer providing her physical nourishment, I am still giving her emotional nourishment – much like a security blanket or favorite stuffed toy or doll. I was – and am – my daughters comfort and safety – that is amazing in every way I can possibly think of.
I talked to some friend months ago about this post and laughed about how I should title it something like “My Daughter Loves Boobs”, but then I thought that Gwenny might not like that one day. It’s true though. She does love boobs, or at least mine. She protects them and until recent months she would come up to hug me and go straight for the boobs – it was like I “Mommy” was just a third wheel at times. I was just lucky enough to be attached to said boobs. When she’s happy or sad she throws herself onto my lap and nuzzles her head into my chest as I wrap my arms around her and let her know that I am here for her…supporting her…comforting her.
Bonding is different for every parent and every child – but for Gwenny my breasts stand for love, comfort and security. I cannot be more thankful for the experience of breastfeeding than I am when I think of my baby girl and the comfort, confidence and strong relationship that breastfeeding has helped foster for us.
I am also thankful for the support and guidance that I was given along my journey into motherhood. Breastfeeding is “natural” but without education, examples and guidance it can seem all but possible. Education matters and I am very blessed to have had women in my life to support me along the way.
Have you experienced something unexpected, or similar with your breastfeeding experience?
This post originally appeared here on Amanda’s blog, The Eco Friendly Family.
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Since breastfeeding did not work for me, and will never work for me, I was concerned that bonding would be a huge issue because of misguided fools who think that bonding is something that breasts do, not hearts. I was surprised to find it to be a breastfeeding myth, and that mothers and fathers who cannot breastfeed should not fear. My children bonded to me, and the bottle was an afterthought. This is proven time and again when they come running to mommy, when a night feeding was skipped because after a little snuggling they realized they only wanted mommy and didn't need the feed that night, and the intense snuggle-times that not only accompanied every feed but many other times as well. To moms who may read this and think "I will never experience that sort of bonding because we didn't breastfeed", it's crap. Love your babies, look in their eyes, and hold them close. The two of you will bond as strongly.
Of course parents still bond deeply with their children whether they are breastfed or bottle fed. The huge problem isn't bonding, but the superior nutrition and health benefits provided by breastmilk! That is what should be considered when deciding whether to feed your child breastmilk or a chemical alternative!
Almost 100% right, if it weren't for your snarky comment about chemical alternative rather than formula. Unless you're eating a raw-vegan diet, you are eating foods that have been prepared and altered in some way. Breastmilk is the most natural, normal, and we still can't replicate it entirely, as well as behaviorally mandating contact that can influence everything from immune systems to intelligence. However, most mothers I talk to had little to no decision, it was made for them either by what you would call booby-traps, or health issues, or other problems. And like our ancestors have done from cave-man days, giving the next best thing was the only choice. This 'chemical alternative' is made from natural foods combined in a way to try and emulate the best choice, and has saved countless lives since something better than 'other than human mammal milk' or even solids introduced at a few days old was the only chance these babies had. Chemical alternative? Lifesaving formula. Plain and simple.
In typical form, a mom who chose formula took a post that had nothing to do with formula and turned it into a debate. This post was about a mom-baby bond that happened THROUGH breastfeeding, not solely BECAUSE of breastfeeding. Every parent knows bonds occur in all types of ways. The author wasn't attacking formula at all, only reiterating another positive of breastfeeding.
To speak to the other side, I breastfed my son but would not count the experience as one of my deepest bonds with him.
Please stop internalizing someone else's experience. Let it speak for itself.
Beautiful post, Amanda! :)
Im with you Cara. I agree the tone of the article was not to debate breastmilk vs formula but Jennifer took it there. It was actually hurting my daughter to receive breastmilk. I cried when I was told I could breastfeed anymore. I still did in the am and pm but it was mostly formula. I can tell tou my daughter is now a very healthy one year old. I have had this debate time and again. You are very correct, unless you use BPA free food comtaners, eat homegrown organic and have a holistic diet/lifestyle, chemicals are going into your child with breastmilk too. Ever seen a mum breastfeeding while eating at McDonalds? I have.
So what, because there are mothers such as yourself and Cara, mothers who breastfed their children are not allowed to talk about our feelings? Because God forbid we make you all feel like we're attacking you (when we AREN'T). Please... I could care less about what a mother chooses to do, I do care about what I CHOSE to do and I love connecting w/ other mothers who have done the same. Some of my closest friends chose to bottle feed, I don't hate them at all for it. So please stop assuming that just because a mother talks about the joys of breastfeeding and the aftermath when her children have stopped nursing, that they're automatically attacking and decrying formula.
So sweet. My youngest is similar in that he finds comfort in my skin. His preferences are the tops of my arms, my belly and my upper thighs. He will pat and rub my skin. He does try for the cleavage but I stop him lol! I BF him for 15 months
You know what is so interesting is that my 18 month old daughter actually loves to put her hands down my shirt when I'm wearing her in the Ergo - she just did it off and on when we traveled last week. I thought it was weird but now I understand! Thanks for shedding light on this!
What a sweetheart, G does this to me as well. We went to see the movie Brave recently and at some of the more unfriendly parts she turned into me and down my shirt her hand went. It was a little awkward but I also know it won't last forever and she's still young.
My twins, who were breastfed exclusively for 7 months and are still nursing at 25 months, are also big boob lovers! Though it seems that that love was not always exclusive to me! One day when picking up my 18 month old girls from day care E was having a rough time, so I sat on the floor to nurse her before heading home. Their beloved caregiver looked at me and said "So it's your fault!" She went on to explain that whenever she would pick up either girl to comfort her they would immediately stick their hand down her shirt, it was only then that she understood why. I took it as a sign that they loved her and that she was a kind and loving woman, it was a nice reasssurance :)
My Jackson is almost fully weaned but he often asks me for "mah melk". When I give in, he usually doesn't even latch. He just enjoys being close to me in that way. Skin to skin, sharing something we shared since his first hours. <3
I love this. It brings such joy to my heart to think about the special bond I share with my son as a result of not just being his mother, but because of our relationship w/ breastfeeding. We are at that age where when something is wrong, he only wants me. It breaks my heart for my husband, but it is something I know happened because we spend every moment together and because I have become his source of comfort. I know the way he needs me will change as he gets older, but I feel good that I will always be that go-to person for him because of our relationship now.
Ew you're annoying!!