“Why is my baby so fussy?” is a question I get asked by many moms and dads as I speak to new parents in my role as a postpartum doula and Int’l Board Certified Lactation Consultant. There is no easy answer to this question. However, if parents understood the physiological makeup of their baby, and respond to it the way nature designed them, then the question would be less of an issue.
First of all, just because the umbilical cord has been cut, an infant still does not have autonomy. Babies should feel so connected to their primary caregiver that they think they are one unit. In a perfect world, it is optimal that a child be worn for the first 12 months and beyond. This ensures the baby the sense of safety and security in knowing that she is not alone.
Have you ever noticed how an infant sleeps so well on your chest, but as soon as you put her in her crib, she wakes up? This is exactly my point! The infant senses that it is no longer safe in the caregiver’s arms. She no longer smells the scent of her mother. She no longer feels or hears her mother’s heartbeat. She can no longer see that her mother is near. Babies rely on their senses to survive, when alone, they sense they are vulnerable.
Let me explain it to you on even more simple terms and see if you can relate. When baby was in utero, it was constantly being held, in a perfect temperature and never hungry. The baby lacks nothing. In contrast, when the baby is born, she faces a very different environment, which includes lights, new sounds new smells and hunger. The infant transitions from the womb to the world which can be very overwhelming.
Think about it this way, imagine that you relocate to a very different culture. You would need to learn the new language, acclimate to new foods, adjust to the new temperature etc. How long do you think you would need to acclimate to this new environment? When asked that question, I would have to say it would probably take me at least a year or two to feel more comfortable calling this new place, home.
Herein lies the problem, our culture. Society has categorized babies into good babies vs. bad babies. That is so unfortunate. In the years I have worked with infants, I have never met a bad baby. Defined by culture, a bad baby cries and is usually quite wakeful. A good baby smiles and sleeps for hours on end. I’ve met fussy babies, and most of the time, these little ones might not be getting their physiological needs met by being held and worn. Our culture tends to force independence on babies when there is no way infants can fend for themselves.
As a nonjudgmental caregiver, I tell parents to do the best they can to keep the baby close. The point I am really trying to get at is this: babies need close physical contact as much as possible. With that being said, hold and carry your baby as much as possible. Contrary to popular belief, you can’t spoil an infant by holding her too much. In the event that you are working parents, and time doesn’t allow for you to hold your baby a lot, be as present as possible when you are together. I recommend putting away distractions such as phones, and be present and interact with your baby. Even when you are out and about, carrying on in your day to day life, wearing your baby can help you be present and connected with your baby. And it is precisely that connection that can help your baby be less fussy. Babies that are carried tend to cry 43% less!
Marcy Sauter is a postpartum doula in the Los Angeles/Orange county area. She provides support to mothers and families post birth for lactation and postpartum doula services. As a mother herself, she understands and is sensitive to needs of the new mother and family. She is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and DONA Certified.
Website: Rest Asssured Doulas
