Hi Hospitalphobic. Thanks for writing in and sharing your fears with me. For those reading and do not know, a complete placenta previa means the placenta is covering the opening of the cervix, so not only can the baby not come out the vagina because the placenta is in the way, but if one was to start dilating it could result in an excessive amount of bleeding. A complete placenta previa is diagnosed through an ultrasound, is rare and means that you must be in the care of an OB and prepare for a surgical birth because your pregnancy is considered high risk.
Firstly, I want to express the gratitude for the fact that we do have hospitals and excellent surgeons that are around for necessary cesarean births, for which you are in need.
Let’s look at the layers.
The process of mourning the passing of your father is important to honor, and seeing a mental health professional is wonderful idea to make sure all the many feelings you are having are acknowledged and heard so they are not collapsed onto your child’s birth story. A therapist, social worker or psychologist will help you to process your grief of your dad’s passing while opening up your heart to your new child.
Here are a few things to consider in order to differentiate your childbirth birth experience from your father’s passing.
Choose to birth at a different hospital than the hospital where your father passed. Find a mantra to realign your mental and emotional body with this healthy event. For example: “I am here to birth my family safely and with joy.” Ask your partner or a doula to remind you during the surgery that you are at the hospital to birth your family. This will help your mind from wandering and allow you to stay in the present moment.
I hear from many families that they equate hospitals with sickness and death. The good news is that you are a healthy woman with a healthy pregnancy and need the support of an intervention to birth your baby safely. Many hospitals are starting to wake up to the bad press and are making efforts to redesign and create new protocols that are bringing humanity and connection back into low risk childbirth. Check out which local hospitals take your insurance and then find out how each of them handles non-emergent cesarean births. (Remember, there is a big difference between an emergency and a non-emergency cesarean birth.).
A few questions you can ask are:
I am happy to hear that you have found a doctor that you like and trust which I believe is the key to a grace-filled birthing experience. Birth, no matter how it happens, is a sacred event. In support of having the birth be respectful and enjoyed, invite the medical staff to be part of this memory by asking them to refrain from non-medical chit chat.
Remember, doctors are loving people who not only want to help you have a safe birth, but enjoy watching a family being born. I hear that having a surgical birth is not your first choice. You get to mourn the loss of your ‘ideal birth’ while embracing the one the universe has chosen for you. And if you can find a way to open up your heart and mind to this choice, you will find that the hospital staff will respond in kind, and your birth will be filled with grace.
Photo courtesy of Melissa Jean Photography.
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