When I was a first time mom, I got a lot of advice. I even got advice about people’s advice! Now that I’ve been through three years of motherhood and have just become a new mom again, I suppose I’ve earned my turn to give some advice. Take what speaks to you, and leave the rest, but most importantly, enjoy the journey!
- Take the first 2 weeks and lay in bed with baby. Have other people in place to do everything else that needs done. Freeze some meals ahead of time so you don’t have to worry about food (and have full instructions on each meal so you don’t have to look that up and anyone will be able to just follow the instructions.)
- It’s okay if baby sleeps in bed with you. It’s okay if baby sleeps in a crib. The key is that mama and baby are both getting some sleep. I found it a lot easier for me to get sleep and for baby to sleep happily (read: not wake up crying in the night) if we shared a bed and it was a lot easier to nurse her as well. But your baby may be different. I promise you though, baby will make his/her preference VERY clear from the beginning. Just be sure your following safe sleep practices for wherever baby sleeps and you’re good to go! (The Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper is a wonderful compromise between crib sleeping and bed sharing. My baby did not like it, but yours may love it. It allows you to have separate sleep areas but still be close for nursing so mom doesn’t need to get out of bed!)
- Recovery is hard for some moms (myself included!) even if you had an intervention-free birth. Give yourself time to heal…lots of time. Your body will tell you to slow down by increasing the flow of lochia so just listen to your body, and don’t feel pressure to jump back into the flow of life too soon.
- Breastfeeding is hard for some moms (once again, myself included.) You can do it, but it can feel pretty hopeless at the beginning. Line up support before the birth if you still have time. Have a lactation consultant’s number handy and call some up ahead of time to see if they will make home visits. Some doulas will offer postpartum breastfeeding support, too so be sure to ask that when you are interviewing doulas.
- It’s important for YOU to take care of the baby. I know your friends and family are dying to get a hold of that baby, but it’s okay to limit that time. It’s best even to limit that time. If family are coming to stay with you, make this clear up front that they are there to help YOU and that means cooking, cleaning, helping with an older sibling, etc. and allowing YOU to care for the baby. Of course they can get some baby snuggles in now and then, but they should not spend the whole visit sitting and holding the baby. When I had family come stay for a week, I ended up actually getting less rest, having more stress and overdoing it. I also only held the baby when she needed to nurse. This time I’ve prepared lists to help show what needs to be done around the house so it will be easy for family to chip in and allow me to be the one to care for baby.
- You can’t hold your baby too much. It’s not possible. Ignore anyone that suggests otherwise.
- Your doctor isn’t God. It’s okay to question your doctor. If he/she can’t handle that, time to look for a new one. Really. I’m amazed at the misinformation and outright inaccuracies doctors will tell their patients. (Luckily not mine. He’s awesome.) Locally I’ve heard some crazy things from friends and acquaintances that doctors have stated as fact.
- Listen to your gut, your heart, your intuition, whatever you want to call it. It’s right 99.9%. And listen to your baby, too. Combine the two and you have a recipe for success!
- If you have a good carrier, you can do a whole lot of things pretty easily with your baby (and not get stuck carrying around those insanely heavy car seat bucket things or navigating a bulky stroller). You can even nurse in one and no one will even know.
- Your baby is the best thing in the whole entire world and don’t let anyone convince you any differently.
This post originally appeared here on Julia’s blog, A Little Bit of All of It.
Julia worked in Advertising and Marketing before her daughter came along but now enjoys staying home with her 3-year-old daughter and newborn son. She blogs at A Little Bit of All of It about those things she is passionate about like cloth diapering, breastfeeding (past infancy), bedsharing/cosleeping, baby-led solids, natural childbirth, attachment parenting, natural living, Christianity and babywearing.
Website: A Little Bit of All of It
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Julia ManganJulia worked in Advertising and Marketing before her daughter came along but now enjoys staying home with her 3-year-old daughter and newborn son. She blogs at A Little Bit of All of It about those things she is passionate about like cloth diapering, breastfeeding (past infancy), bedsharing/cosleeping, baby-led solids, natural childbirth, attachment parenting, natural living, Christianity and babywearing.
Website: A Little Bit of All of It
Pinterest
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This is awesome. This sounds exactly like advice I would give.
Absolutely the best advice above. Also, fresh air will make you feel better instantly. If you're feeling flustered or overwhelmed, depressed or anxious...if baby is crying and you can't figure it out, go outside...go for a walk if you can or find a way to get some fresh air.
Love this-Thanks from a new mommy of a two week old princess thank G-d. Especially love that you don't think I'm a terrible mom for nursing in bed :)
Great advice! Especially about dealing with family and visitors. I loved learning how to nurse my little one in bed however, I would strongly encourage taking huge precautions for sleeping with your child....we just had a young couple loose their not even month old baby when they rolled on top of him when they were napping together. Such a preventable tragedy..... Just take precautions. Thanks!
Nice list but cosleeping is NOT SAFE for baby! Many poor babies injured or worse from falling off bed or being crushed/suffocated by overtired adult sharing bed with them.
That is simply not true. If you look at the statistics cosleeping deaths involve sofas, alcohol, drugs (legal and illegal),smokers and formula. Co sleeping is shown to be safer than cribs if none of these factors are involved only if you are exclusively breastfeeding. It is not safe if you are using formula even if you are mixed feeding. Teaching people how to cosleep safely saves lives. Telling people it is not safe puts babies lives at risk as people are going to do it anyway but are less likely to be aware of the safety precautions.
mgd is correct. I work in a hospital and infant "falls" as mgd puts it are common for SOBER, exhausted parents falling asleep and dropping baby. We have to take extra precautions against it and educate/offer help to our parents. Cosleeping can end lives. Ever heard of SIDS? Drastically increased by co-sleeping whether you're in a bed, sober, drunk, on a couch - it doesn't matter. If you really think co sleeping is safer than a crib I would love to see the evidence behind it, but it simply isn't there.
I so had #5 happen to me!! I had a Csection with my 3rd, my mil came to stay the second week and I was up cooking and mopping while she sat on the couch and held the baby. I couldn't wait until she left!! Then my sister came the next week and sat on my computer or drug me and the baby all over. I was so glad to run my own affairs and have my keys back!!!
My mil stayed with the kids while I was at the hospital this last time, but left the day I got home. It was just me and the kids and so much less stress. We had a week long pajama party:)
These are some wonderful recommendations, but I can say that I totally disagree with the idea of you taking care of your own child and not letting others help with that.
When my child was first born, my parents watched him whenever he was not nursing or being changed. They pushed me to sleep in between those times while they watched him, and that was exactly what my body and I needed. It was very hard to get sleep, because it's very hard to turn off your mom need to listen for every single cry, but I am incredibly grateful that I had that time.
Near the end of their one month stay, I got back into the swing of things, and after they left, I had all that rest to help boost me through that first period of trying to figure things out. Without it, I think I would've been quite a wreck. It also gave my baby a chance to bond with his grandma and grandpa and his dad, and it gave me the rest my body and soul needed. For what it's worth, I had an intervention-free, very quick, natural birth. But my body felt ravaged, and it was very hard to heal because you barely get any long stretches of sleep. I think raising a child takes a village, and I think as a mom, it's important to push ourselves to rely on those who are offering us help.