1. Be Open Minded
Expectant parents have a
lot on their plates. From researching and interviewing pediatricians, to reading about the stages of pregnancy and development, and then everything in between, it’s easy to see how overwhelming and stressful it can be to bring new life into the world. Oftentimes new moms and dads blaze their way into parenthood with a solid set of principles in mind. While these principles often have nothing to do with those of us on the outside, our responses to them can make a new parent feel guilty or “wrong” for choosing what they did. It’s vital for the support people to listen to the mother and validate her thoughts and fears while reassuring her that the decisions she’s making for her family need only be what’s best for them, not anyone else.
2. Be Supportive of Deviations in Their Plan
Things don’t always go according to plan, and that can sometimes leave new moms feeling lost or defeated. Perhaps mom had planned for a home birth but was later risked-out to a hospital delivery instead. Maybe cloth diapering felt too overwhelming, or breastfeeding proved to not be best for mom mentally or physically. Whatever the case or reasoning may be, the pregnancy and postpartum period is one full of hormones, emotions, and expectations - three things that make for quite the experience. In times like these it’s most important to be mindful of our language. Rather than respond with phrases such as “At least…,” it’s imperative that you give her space to process her feelings. Sometimes that means simply being silent, but physically present.
3. Keep Unsolicited Advice and Opinions To Yourself
This one is
hard. This one also tends to ruffle the most feathers. When you have a friend or family member going through something you’ve had experience with, it’s often hard not to bombard them with anecdotes and “fool proof” solutions to their problems. It always comes with the best of intentions - hoping your loved one has the most positive experience possible. However it can often come across as very “know-it-all” and with a hefty load of pressure and obligation in tow. When you have 15 different people giving you advice, opinions, and recommendations, it can be overwhelming and simply too much to handle. New moms don’t want to disappoint or offend anyone whose advice they didn’t take, and when you have so much conflicting advice being thrown at you, you don’t really know which way to go. You can empower these new mothers indirectly just by keeping all unsolicited information to yourself. If your loved one comes to you asking what you think of X, Y, or Z, you can confidently state your answer, but be sure to remember point #1… be open minded to choices different from your own.
I’m both a mom and a doula, and I’ve found compassionate, non-judgmental support to be the best way to empower new parents. In fact that’s exactly why I became a doula. It can be hard to navigate these roads when your support team is biased and/or emotionally invested. Support those around you in their quest to provide the very best life for their family, even if it looks nothing like yours. This is truly the greatest gift you can give to any new parent because you’re giving them the gift of confidence.
Photo credit: @leggybird via Twenty20
1. Be Open Minded
Expectant parents have a lot on their plates. From researching and interviewing pediatricians, to reading about the stages of pregnancy and development, and then everything in between, it’s easy to see how overwhelming and stressful it can be to bring new life into the world. Oftentimes new moms and dads blaze their way into parenthood with a solid set of principles in mind. While these principles often have nothing to do with those of us on the outside, our responses to them can make a new parent feel guilty or “wrong” for choosing what they did. It’s vital for the support people to listen to the mother and validate her thoughts and fears while reassuring her that the decisions she’s making for her family need only be what’s best for them, not anyone else.