What We Discuss

(5:59) How Childhood Cancer Changes Your Perspective 

 (8:49) Finding Joy in Tough Times  

(12:40) How Do You Live in the Moment?

(16:21) Traveling with Children Survival Tips  

(18:51) Must-have Travel Essentials 

(21:20) Find Humor in Everyday Happenings 

(24:56) New Parent Product Essentials 

(25:55) What Keeps You Up at Night? 

(26:37) Don’t Waste Your Precious Energy on This 

Resources + Show Notes

(0:00) Introduction 

[Brandi] 

If you know her, you love her. From painfully honest reels to the simple reminder that sometimes we just need a snack. Caitlin Murray from Big Time Adulting has been bringing us a real look at motherhood through humor and honesty. 

A humorist, content creator, writer, podcaster, wife, and mother, I am so honored that I got to chat with her about all the things we wish we knew. From navigating her son's cancer diagnosis to travel essentials, we discussed why laughing is an absolute necessity in your parenting journey.  

But we're going to jump right in. 

I'm so excited to have you here. Welcome to the podcast, Caitlin. And getting to know you as a human, you live up to the happiness that you exude online. 

You absolutely do. I can say to anyone who's listening to this podcast right now, she is exactly who you think she is. You are a walking ball of joy. 

And I just appreciate you. I really do. 

[Caitlin] 

Oh, my word. That is just so nice. And honestly, for people who don't know, we met at this conference and we had to meet in person and there was dancing there. 

And we got to like cut up the floor together. And I think our souls just aligned at that time. I was like, oh, my God, I see her. 

She sees me. We are just having the time of our lives right now. 

[Brandi] 

Yes. You had me at dancing across the floor. I was like, that's my friend. 

I want to be friends with her.  

(1:41) Real Motherhood 

[Brandi] 

Well, I wanted to get into this. We share a lot about real, honest motherhood and parenthood. 

Why do you think this resonates with so many people? 

[Caitlin] 

I think it's just nice for people to hear real, real. 

[Brandi] 

That part. 

[Caitlin] 

There's a lot of curated content on Instagram, on social media that sort of can make motherhood look a little bit like you're viewing it through a rose-colored lens at times. And while there is truly the most beautiful parts of life that I've ever experienced wrapped up in my motherhood journey, it's also been treacherous, honestly, from day one. So I think that there's some kind of a balance in being real about what's happening and then also using humor to help that be very palatable to the general public. 

I think making jokes about things always lightens the mood on some topics that are tough, that are deep and dark sometimes. So it makes it okay to laugh at stuff that is not actually that easy. 

[Brandi] 

And I think too, I mean, you do such a great job at exuding joy, but then also too, I think giving people permission to find the joy. I think when we experience hard moments and hard things, we almost feel as if we're not worthy of the joy, that we can't actually, it's almost like sacrilegious or a betrayal if we actually allow ourselves to experience joy during this really tough time.  

And I think that by people witnessing you just be who you are, it gives us permission to, you know what? Yeah, this is a tough moment, but by golly, I need to find the joy in this. I need to find some kind of joy or at least be open to it because that's the only way I'm going to get through it. 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. It's hard. It's so true. 

I mean, when I would say like the hardest period of time in my life was right after my son was diagnosed with leukemia and what you're talking about really resonates with me about not feeling like maybe it's okay to find joy during those hard times. But I think that after a while, I knew that my heart wouldn't survive it if I didn't find some lightness in the day-to-day happenings and start to make light of some of the crazy things that were going on because life is just crazy, you know?  

[Brandi] 

Absolutely. 

[Caitlin] 

There are no guarantees and we all have stories and things that have happened along the way and humor is like a beautiful coping mechanism. 

[Brandi] 

It's a balm, you know? 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. 

[Brandi] 

It's a balm. It's a salve.  

(4:42) Why Be Honest? 

[Brandi] 

Why be honest? 

Why not curate the most beautiful moments to make yourself and your family look picture perfect? Because we all see that on Instagram, you know? Why be honest? 

Why do you feel that honesty is your way? 

[Caitlin] 

I think that when I started my sharing journey, if you will, on Instagram or whatever, when I started my oversharing journey, as I sometimes like to refer to it, I was like, you know what? I really do want to get out because I had goals of like I wanted to write a book after what we had been through and just kind of like talking. I found the writing part all so cathartic and then I realized from like a publishing company that they really want you to have an audience before they give you a book deal. 

So I was like, okay, well, I'll try this. I'll try to get an audience and I thought about how I could realistically do that and fit that into my life and who I am versus who I'm definitely not and that I just I knew I wouldn't be able to like wake up every day and put makeup on and be camera ready and be showing. I just knew that was just really not me, you know? 

So it would have been a betrayal to the cloth that I am cut from to present myself that way. So yeah, I think that's I was just trying to be true to myself. 

(5:59) How Childhood Cancer Changes Your Perspective 

[Brandi] 

Tell us about your son's diagnosis. How did that change your perspective in motherhood and life? 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah, in so many ways it changed everything for me in my life. I mean, it was a, it was a really horribly scary event to hear that your son who is three years old has now been diagnosed with leukemia and having like such fear around those words, not even knowing what we were up against, just knowing how scary that sounded was like it took my breath away. I think I thought I wished it was a bad dream like for so long I can just remember being like, wake up, wake up. 

I just please don't let this be real. I just don't want to see him go through this and it was so long. I mean, he was sick for he was in his treatment for almost three and a half years and that was more than he'd even been alive at that point and just to have to know that he was going to be, you know, being pumped with like essentially poison for all of that time just to save his little life. 

But at the same time, it's like, I'm not going to say no, let's go like let's get this started and we'll do whatever it takes. And when he was sick, when he when we were leading up to the point of getting him diagnosed, I really knew something was wrong with him and I was a little bit dismissed by some of the doctors that we had gone to talk to. And definitely what that taught me was that I should follow my intuition when it comes to my motherhood instincts and trust my gut. 

Because even if I had been wrong, say, I mean, that would have been wonderful had I been wrong and he really just did have a cold on top of the flu or whatever. They were kind of thinking that that might have been what was wrong with him at the time. Even if they were wrong, I never, ever, ever would regret having gone the extra mile and pushed for him and advocated for him. 

And so I think that like that just knowing that I should do that and should be that person and, you know, applying that to other facets of their lives, whether it be, you know, not without being overbearing or crazy. Just when you know something needs to have a better answer than the one that you're being provided, just get it, get your answer. And, you know, I think it also just like taught me to celebrate the small wins in life a lot. 

Like when you're going through a hard time and going back to finding joy where it's available and making it for yourself, letting yourself feel the happiness and letting yourself laugh and being good with like a good thing that happened today, just for that one thing, you know?

(8:49) Finding Joy in Tough Times  

[Brandi] 

What did that finding it look like for you, finding that joy in that moment? 

[Caitlin] 

I can remember going out to dinner with my husband on his birthday, which is February 9th. So we were about a month out from my son's diagnosis. And it was like my husband's birthday. 

We were like, what should we do? Do you want to go out, you know, have dinner together or something we should celebrate? And so we're sitting at that dinner and I can remember just we were just like holding each other's hands and crying and couldn't really like find the joy yet still. 

But talking about how we would, you know, and how, but how hard it was still just to get through a day without crying all the time and that kind of thing. But I think that writing about what my son was going through and me being able to slowly bring humor back into my life, just with the writing, like with getting it down on paper. So even if I wasn't like laughing out loud and being like gregarious or whatever, to just get that back, keep that part of me like lit, you know, a little bit. 

And, and little by little, like things got easier to tolerate, you know, you get used to what you're going through and that kind of thing. And then you just have to allow yourself. 

[Brandi] 

That allowance right there.  

I imagine that you had a lot of back and forth between home and the hospital. Did you get used to the, all the on the go and travel with your little one? 

Cause how old were your other ones during that time? 

[Caitlin] 

So my, my daughter was one when my son was diagnosed and my, my third had not yet come along. I got pregnant in like the final year of my son's treatment with our third. So when we were doing all that back and forth to the hospital and, and having to rely on family and a babysitter to help us with our daughter, cause it was a lot of time back and forth. 

You're just in, I was in survival mode, you know, you were just like, you gotta do what you gotta do. And we're just going to make this happen. There was this also like really weird feeling that I always had that comfort level at being at the hospital so that it was like, it was a place that I got answers and I have like such horrible health anxiety and anxiety that I was like, okay, I'm here at the doctor so I can ask whatever questions I need answered right now. 

[Brandi] 

Right.  

[Caitlin] 

And that also, there was this knowing that I wasn't in charge of his care while we were at the actual hospital. Like, so while being at the hospital is certainly not a vacation, it did feel like a little bit of a break for me. 

Like the doctors are watching him, the nurses are watching him while we are here so I can just be his mom, you know, not his nurse. 

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(12:40) How Do You Live in the Moment? 

[Brandi] 

And what would you say to someone who is figuring out the whole travel, whether it's going back and forth to the hospital, whether it's the holidays or whatever it is, you know, what would you say to them? 

[Caitlin] 

It's a lot of just letting go of expectations, you know, and just like not having a vision of what you think is going to happen or how things are going to go and how your day is going to go and having plans, especially like around the holidays and stuff like that, we had to cancel. We really couldn't do anything for a really, really long time. So letting go of expectations, it truly is like was one of the biggest lessons for me of like trying to learn to live in the moment because that's something that's like, it's just so hard to do, but I really truly believe it's like the secret to all happiness in life. 

If you are able to live in this moment, which is all we're ever guaranteed anyway, right? Like right this minute. 

[Brandi] 

Why do you think it's so hard? Because I mean, that's something I think we all really struggle with. Why is it so hard for us to live in the moment? Why do we feel the need to be like 10 steps ahead? 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah, that is a deep one because it's probably coming from so many angles. I mean, personally, it's really hard for me to live in the moment because I have anxiety. So I'm like, I need to figure this out. 

What's going to happen next week, right now or whatever. In the event that it happens, whatever it is that happens. 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. I should be worried about this just in case. And then like beyond like that, like as a condition of how you're feeling of angst is also just like life and the world of people. 

I think social media contributes to this sense of urgency to be doing more all of the time and like just not being okay with like resting and being sedentary or not crushing goals today, you know?  

[Brandi] 

I'm crushing it.  

[Caitlin]

Like I think that that makes us, that sort of messaging that we're so either like really intentionally or unintentionally receiving from other outlets all the time. 

It makes it hard to just like sit still, be like in the moment. 

[Brandi] 

I think that right there is a key for life. It's a key for what we're talking about today with travel, but like it's just, it is the key and it's hard, but it's like by hook or by crook. It's like, it's one of those things that I think that will help us to actually like bloom and blossom and thrive and be okay, you know? 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. And maybe I shouldn't even say this and maybe this is wrong and it's like not the right messaging, but I do think it's nearly impossible for mothers of young children to feel like at ease in the moment because of the amount of stuff there is to just get done on the daily.  

[Brandi] 

On the daily, yeah. 

[Caitlin] 

It's easy to say like I'll get to the laundry later and stuff, but when you see the laundry piling up, it's overwhelming, you know? You're just like, I got to get this done. I got to get that done. 

I got to make dinner. I got to go grocery shopping. I have to plan. 

I have to work. I have to send this email. I have to sign my kids up for this, that, the other thing. It's like, yeah.

[Brandi] 

Yeah. And it's like, if you're doing that at home, imagine if you're out. 

Yeah. Like navigating that.  

(16:21) Traveling with Children Survival Tips  

[Brandi] 

Have you done a lot of travel with your family? 

Tell us your experience traveling with young kids. 

[Caitlin] 

Traveling with young kids is the word for it. It is not vacationing. I like to call it, it's an away game. 

[Brandi] 

Ooh I love that, It’s an away game.  

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. You just, you still have to bring all your stuff.

You know, you got to bring all your equipment, everything you need to, to, to play. It's just in a different, you're relocated. Your work, you're being relocated for a period of time. 

So we haven't done like-  

[Brandi] 

I love how you said traveling is an away game.  

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. It's a total away game. 

And it's clear you're, you're clearly not the home team when you're on somebody else's turn. 

[Brandi] 

You're not the home team when you travel. You’re not. 

[Caitlin] 

We've done a lot of skiing with our kids this winter and last winter, which I fought fiercely against. But now I actually love it because we're in the Northeast and it's like very cold and gray and all of that where we live. So we might as well have an activity to do outside of the home, you know? 

Yeah. It's like blessing. And then we've, we've done, you know, some beach stuff. 

My family's from Massachusetts. So we do like the Cape Cod things. But again, it's, I think that whole notion of like letting go of expectations is like just a general good piece of advice in, in motherhood with young children and stuff. 

Because if you have too many visions of what something's going to look like. Pack snacks. That's what I would say. 

You got to get all the snacks.  

[Brandi] 

You're the queen of snacks. I love this. 

I love this. It's like, just start with that. Just pack a snack. 

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(18:51) Must-have Travel Essentials 

[Brandi] 

What do you wish you knew about traveling with kids? Do you have any tips or travel must-haves? 

[Caitlin] 

Travel must-haves in the car, you must have things ready to clean up a puke situation. You have to have some like jugs of water are really helpful to have on hand, paper towels, wipes, and towels, like a towel and trash bag. You need a trash bag because just put everything back into the trash bag, seal it up. 

And then I've often just honestly thrown things away at that point. I'm like, I just, I don't think I ever want to see this pair of pants again.  

[Brandi] 

Yeah, exactly. 

[Caitlin] 

And then like, don't let yourself get too caught up in like what perfection you think that you're creating for your family in this travel situation. Like, lean into the experience of it being an S-H-I-T, S-H-O-W for the entire time.

[Brandi] 

Were there any like things that you like swore by? I know like with traveling back and forth, whether it was vacation or like you said, traveling for fun, whatever that looks like, or even just the day-to-day of traveling, you know, back and forth with the hospital. Was there anything that you use for anyone that might be listening? 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah.. I mean, a good stroller that you can like a good umbrella stroller that you can pop open and close really easily. That's light enough to bring into an elevator or, you know, up an escalator or to, you know, jam in the back of your car or whatever it is that you need something that like is great on the go. Because we use like a jogging stroller for regular life and stuff a lot. 

So those are big and clunky and everything. So they don't really work in those situations. I mean, my son was three, so I wasn't using like a baby carrier anymore at the time, but like I never would have survived motherhood without a baby carrier, actually. 

[Brandi] 

Yeah.  

[Caitlin] 

Yeah. A portable. I mean, if you have a baby, you need like an easy portable crib bassinet situation. 

I always loved, there were some places we visited that had like a baby rental company nearby where you could or even like from a hotel or something for the weekend. So you don't even have to pack. That's always a good thing to like look into if you're going somewhere or their rental companies around so you don't even have to worry about bringing it on the plane or whatever, wherever you're going. 

(21:20) Find Humor in Everyday Happenings 

[Brandi] 

What have you learned about the importance of laughing through life? Why is it so important to laugh? 

[Caitlin] 

I think that like it's easy to get stuck in a pattern of just really taking ourselves very seriously. If you're able to find like laughter and humor in the everyday happenings, it's just such a lighter way to go about your day. And I think that like people really appreciate it when you remember to use your humor. 

Like this conversation doesn't have to be so serious, throw a little joke or like something self-deprecating in there. It really takes the edge off and like I think it lets other people that you're with also feel comfortable being more of their real selves with you, which is just like a, it's such a more meaningful way to go about life. 

[Brandi] 

I mean, would you say that your life is unusual? What would you say, you know, as far as like how you navigated it? 

[Caitlin] 

No, I don't think that I'm unusual at all. I think that, you know, any parent if put in my shoes and what they had to do would do what they had to do. You just do what you got to do. 

I hope that during that time that what is like the most special outcome of that to me is that I think our family bond from being just together all of the time that way and trying our best to really like make our own fun around the fact that we weren't able to go places or do things like making special dinners or like getting the kids dressed up for like parties that we would like have at our house that we, you know, weren't actually having, but family, family party, nuclear family party. 

So just, I do cherish, I think the outcome of what that brought to our family unit. 

[Brandi] 

Even you just saying that when you said you don't feel like it's that unusual because you said you would do with any other parent would do. I love that because I think that's the thing that unites us right there is that our love for our children and our ability to do the hard things for them.  

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(24:56) New Parent Product Essentials 

[Brandi] 

What is a must-have product that you'd recommend to new parents? 

[Caitlin] 

Oh, that is a good one. I mean, I always pushed the pacifier really hard. I think there was like confusion about that too for me at the beginning. 

I was like, is this wrong? Do I not want to have like, you know, nipple confusion and all of this? And I wish somebody would just have been like, lean in and use it any way that you can introduce a soother for them. 

It's just, it's really magical. It keeps them sleeping longer and stuff. I think when they're at the point where they can find a pacifier, find their own lovey, like they're happy to be cozy in bed for a little longer and that kind of thing. 

They look forward to going to their nap for the pacifier, for the lovey, especially if you kind of like try your best to keep it to the bed or keep it to the stroller or wherever it is. 

(25:55) What Keeps You Up at Night? 

[Brandi] 

Is there anything that keeps you up at night as a mom? We ask all our guests this. 

[Caitlin] 

Oh my God. Yes. Everything keeps me up at night as a mom. 

I am an anxious person about health-related stuff. So if there's something like health-related that doesn't have an obvious answer for me, I can really keep the wheels turning in the middle of the night like no other. Usually I try to take a deep breath and say, I can think about this in the morning. 

[Brandi] 

I can think about this in the morning.  

[Caitlin] 

Over coffee.  

[Brandi] 

Or maybe pancakes. 

[Caitlin] 

Or pancakes. Yes.  

[Brandi] 

Or both. 

[Caitlin] 

Yeah, or both. 

(26:37) Don’t Waste Your Precious Energy on This 

[Brandi] 

All right. So last question. We have listeners here who are probably listening to this at night while they're up with their little ones. 

What would you tell them? 

[Caitlin] 

I would tell them that whatever they're worrying about is probably going to be totally fine. And that worrying about it and being anxious about it won't change the outcome of it. So try not to waste your precious energy on the worry and have faith that you'll have the strength to meet what comes to you. 

[Brandi] 

That's good. Thank you so much, Caitlin. You are amazing. 

[Caitlin] 

Thank you so much for having me.  

[Brandi] 

Oh my gosh. Well, I appreciate you. And thank you so much.  

[Outro] 

Ergo Baby is dedicated to building a global community of confident parents. The Life of Baby podcast is just one of many ways we hope to support parents through all the joys and jobs of parenting. 

This podcast was produced by Tiffany Toby, consulting producer Anthony Gannon, edited by Angel Hunter and Hannah Richardson Speckart, written by Vittoria Allen, sound design and theme song by Jon Jackson, graphics designed by Noah Friedenberg, and our executive producers are Christina Soletti and Kalani Robinson. And I am your host, Brandi Sellerz-Jackson.