Not being a parent, I can’t personally tell you what it feels like to have the heart of my own child beating in rhythm with mine. I long for the day when I get to experience this. It is music. It is love. Have you ever noticed how people’s heartbeats, breath, and other vital rhythms become in sync if they are in close proximity to each other? When every cell in a child’s being feels the love a parent shares with him or her, a relaxed, connected state occurs, both for the child, and the parent.
When I hold babies, I experience a softening, and I can feel them become comfortable in my arms. I had a wonderful experience while traveling with Toots and the Maytals, a world-renowned reggae band, about five years ago, providing them with chiropractic care on their tour. One of the singers had a 1-year-old son who I would hold in a cloth wrap, equipped with earphones, and take him to the concert. Cocooned in this quiet, warm comfort, he would quickly fall asleep. This summer, I was reacquainted with this young boy, and as I hugged him, I instantly felt his body remember our connection. Both of our bodies relaxed, and our physiology easily began to harmonize. When you’re connected to another person in this way, in a hug or embrace, you elicit oxytocin, the feel-good “love” hormone.
Research performed by nurses at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston on kangaroo care (skin-to-skin mother/baby time) in Newborn Intensive Care Units (NICUs) showed that babies who are skin-to-skin spend less time in the NICU and begin to thrive more quickly. They have stable vital signs, blood pressure, and temperature regulation, breast feed more efficiently and sleep more soundly.
From a holistic point of view, it’s clear why Attachment Parenting is so important. The health, wellness, vitality and compassion that we have for ourselves, for others, and for the planet are an extension of how connected we are from the inside out. Regardless of what your upbringing was like, connecting with a new life is an opportunity to set a fresh paradigm for how your child connects with the people in their life. Babies are connected to the love that we’re all made of from the inside out; throughout life they inspire others to relate from that place of inner love and strength.
After the umbilical cord is cut, the desire to stay connected to our babies is an innate element of the parenting and bonding process. Unfortunately, our busy lives don’t always support that — we’re burdened by our busy schedules, cell phones, and computers. Often, the time we spend with our babies keeps them at an arms distance as we push them around in a stroller.
Some of the parents in my practice who utilize Attachment Parenting methods shared with me these tips to keep them connected to their babies, no matter how busy they may be:
- Spend some time before naps or while breastfeeding in skin-to-skin contact with your baby. Even a few minutes makes a big difference for you and your baby.
- Put your baby carrier on when you’re running errands, cleaning or doing any activity where you might have a choice between a stroller or a carrier.
Remember that every moment of present, in loving connection with your baby counts — not just for your and your baby’s wellbeing, but also for the quality of connection they have with everyone they meet in the future.
