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For the next Life with Baby podcast episode, tune in for an unforgettable journey with Rachel Nicks. Born in Oakland and now thriving in New York, Rachel is a dedicated mom of two and a powerhouse of passion and purpose. From her dynamic roles as a trainer, doula, lactation counselor, actor, and podcaster, to the heart and soul behind the nonprofit Birthing Queen, she’s tackling the black maternal health crisis head-on, empowering women to rise and thrive. Don’t miss this inspiring tale of strength, laughter, and life-changing advocacy.
Timestamps + Topics
Resources + Show Notes
Ergobaby | ergobaby.com • instagram.com/ergobaby • tiktok.com/@ergobabyofficial
Rachel Nicks | @rachelenicks • @birthqueenorg • birthqueen.org • rachelnicks.com
Transcript
Introduction
Brandi: I’m so excited for today’s guest. This mama is a powerhouse of passion and purpose. She’s a trainer, she’s a doula, she’s a lactation counselor, actor, and podcaster.
She’s the heart and soul behind her nonprofit, Birthing Queen, which is tackling the black maternal health crisis head on and empowering women to thrive. Our guest today is Rachel Nicks, and I can’t wait to get all of her wisdom. We’re going to dive in.
Rachel: Dive in.
Most Asked Doula Questions
Brandi: Tell us, what’s the question that you get asked most as a doula?
Rachel: I think I open with, people want answers. So the answer I have to give most in many ways is, there is no one way.
Brandi: Yeah, they want definitives.
Can You Plan Your Birth?
Rachel: They want definitives and I’m like, I’m not giving it to you. I will give you multiple scenarios and multiple solutions. But, we never know. I’m a big person that wants to set people’s expectations. I think that’s the hardest part with planners and with birth is like, you want to plan it and you cannot.
Brandi: Do you find that that’s something you run into a lot? People wanting to plan their birth like to the minute.
Moms Are the Solution, for Everything!
Rachel: And then they want to plan postpartum. And I’m also like, throw all those apps away. Throw all those calendars, schedules. You need to be present. To me, the energy you bring into your birth should then color your motherhood journey and not just want to being very in touch with who you are, what you want, and then connecting to this new human being that you’ve never met before, but that you created. So many women believe they’re the problem or the cause of their child’s angst or tears. And I’m like, no, mama, you’re the solution for everything. Although that’s a beautiful thing, it’s the exact thing that can be completely overwhelming. That you are the solution for everything. They’re not crying because you don’t have enough milk.
Brandi: Right, or something you did.
Rachel: Right. And a lot of women are like, it’s because I had them in the car seat too long. It’s because I said, girl, no, grab that baby, put a boob in his mouth, give it a hug. If you bottle feed, that’s fine too. Just hold it. Connect to your baby and look at the baby. Look at your baby. Same with breastfeeding. Are they giving it up? I said, do you see that your child has fat cheeks hanging down? You know what I’m saying? It can’t hold his head up anymore.
Brandi: He does not have a neck.
Rachel: I know. Yeah. She’s like, I got to wait till the doctor’s appointment to weigh the baby. I said, no, she looks like a Thanksgiving turkey. She’s fine. She’s sleeping. You know, my grandmother always said like, if the baby looks happy, the baby’s happy. You don’t need metrics. And I think metrics really.
Brandi: It throws us off.
Rachel: It is not a good thing for mothering. Metrics and mothering do not.
Mic Drop Moment
Brandi: So first off, we’re just going to have a mic drop moment because you’ve had several, like in the, what, five minutes we’ve been talking when you said mothering and metrics don’t mix. And then also when you said you are not the problem, you are the solution.
Rachel: You’re the solution to everything.
Why Do Parents Desperately Want a Sense of Control?
Brandi: That right there. Because when I hear from you too, is this thing of control that we want. We want this sense of control. Why do you think that parents want that so desperately, especially during birth and postpartum?
Rachel: I believe many women, people in general are having babies at a more mature age. It does us a disservice in the arena of being present. Because if you have a baby at 16, there’s a lot you don’t know. And that’s your reality.
Brandi: And you don’t know what I don’t know.
Rachel: And you don’t know, you don’t know. You just moving through life in the moment, which is a beautiful thing. And it could be problematic at times, but when you’re older, you become more efficient and effective at what you do on a day to day from laundry to your job, right? Because you’ve done it for that much longer. You have that much confidence or control or ownership of your life and your day. And so then you do this new thing and you’re out of touch with that kind of inner child and that sense of adventure and the comfort in that space. And so you feel very out of control. So to me, we start clinging at the things we can control that absolutely inherently make you feel more anxious, more like a failure, more stressed out. And that’s why I tell many of my friends, clients, whatever, just cut it out with the rigorous, everything has to be to a T.
How Challenges Change You
I’m here, my mother passed on the idea of ritual and routine, but you do not need a schedule. You need guardrails, that’s fine. That’s good for you and the baby. We all need some sort of boundary to play within. You play in the pin, right? You don’t just play in the ether, it’s too much, it’s overwhelming. But yeah, I think that is our need to control because it’s something new and we get out of the habit of learning new things and being comfortable and confident and finding the fun in the new or the challenging because challenges change you, right? And it’s your point of view in how you view challenge. It could be like, why is this happening to me? Or is it an opportunity for growth? And I am one to believe that there’s no such thing as failure.
Brandi: When you said challenges change you, that right there, I think a lot of us are afraid of the change.
Rachel: And why? Because if you think about it, if you do everything the same every day, does that really bring you peace and joy? But I think we have this false sense of security. You can speak to this as an entrepreneur, right? When you have a real job, but guess what? A real job can go away.
Boss Baby
Brandi: That, that. Well, and it’s funny too, I think in birth, it’s a new kind of job. It’s this new kind of opportunity that you’ve never had before. You know, your boss is this baby. Doesn’t like to sleep or sleeps weird.
Rachel: Isn’t that a movie boss, baby? That’s facts. We think we the boss, baby. Bay bay, no, you’re not.
Brandi: You’re an employee with a W-9. You don’t even got benefits.
Rachel: No.
Learning Your Child’s Language
Brandi: You are an employee of this new baby Inc. And they are calling the shots. And it’s this weird new thing that you’re in this limbo where it’s just like, yeah, I don’t know what to do. And that, that can be terrifying for a lot of parents. And it’s almost like, yeah.
Rachel: That’s the thing. Like you’re not that special.
Brandi: Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel: We kind of been doing this for how many years? You just not that special.
Brandi: No, you’re going to figure it out.
Rachel: Babies are very resilient. You know, they are, we’re fragile. You know what I mean? Cause we’re very cerebral and they are not. And I think it is that disconnection from head and heart. And, and I think your baby is living from a very raw animalistic heart gut survival place. Yes. It’s like my stomach hurt. Waugh. I’m cold. Waugh. Like, and so now they have to say to you is waugh. And so they figured out cuckoo. And then you’re like the cuckoo sound better than the West. So, okay, let’s this process of elimination, but it’s also learning each other’s language or learning the language of that. Each child comes here with their own thing. And I think the more you honor and respect your baby as its own full human being, you know what I’m saying? Not this metric to be met. Yeah. And you connect to them in that heart way. Cause I say as a doula, you can not have a baby in your head. You cannot. And it’s certainly, if you want an unmedicated birth, that damn sure ain’t happening in your brain.
Brandi: No, no. It’s all mental. It’s all mental.
Trusting Your Magic as a Woman to Birth
Rachel: You have to trust your magic as a woman to birth. And that can get me on my whole advocacy tip where it has been very strategic from the inception of this country that every woman did not believe in her power and her magic. And that’s why we are where we are in the workplace in birth and, you know, women’s health and beyond because we feel inadequate. And we live in, in a capitalist society that plays on a mother’s lack of confidence so that she thinks everything that that baby needs or she needs lives outside of herself. And for me, I’m like, no, everything. It’s not on Google. It’s not an Instagram. It’s not on Bye Bye Baby. It’s right here.
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Positive Birth Experiences
Brandi: Can you share with us your most harrowing experience while assisting a birth with a client?
Rachel: I think we should go positive.
Brandi: Yeah.
Rachel: I would like to think of a mom from last year. She’s a black mom. She was like 37 weeks. And I was like, yeah, I’ll talk to her. I’m not really taking births. Life was really too busy for me to take a birth. And so I just talked to her about birth and things and she’s like, when we got to the end, she’s like, I’m very afraid of dying in labor. And I said, okay. And I basically was trying to get off the phone. I’m going to connect you to some other doula. She was like, no, no. She’s like, you’re my doula. And I was like, I mean, girl, I don’t know. Basically she was like, how much? And I’m like, okay. And so that was one thing, you know, when you have that like connection to someone, but we just did the work. We went there and I was so proud of her that literally in under three weeks, we addressed her fear
Brandi: Because it’s always deeper.
Rachel: And we got, we excavated that and tossed it out and she had the most beautiful unmedicated birth. You know, a little man tried to scare us, you know, he came out blue and not talking real quick, but we worked, we worked, we did what it did. It was fine. I was like, we made it do what it do. Yeah. You wanted to add a little drama to such a peaceful birth. Okay.
Brandi: Babies are so dramatic. They’re so dramatic.
Rachel: Cause literally when I got the triage, she’s like, and then she paused. She’d be like this. Oh yeah. So anyway, and just keep talking. So I was like, did she somehow get it at the girl in triage? That seems odd. And literally she was just sitting there in the hospital. We were shooting the shit and watching stupid movies in the house. And then she just go, Oh, my labors are not like that. And then I look like I was like, just deeply like blue bubbles, you know? And then, and then it was time to go. They’re like, you’re fully dilated. And she goes, I can’t do it.
Brandi: It’s like, it’s too late now.
Rachel: I said, girl, you ain’t getting no epidural. And she’s like, you can’t tell me. And I was like, yes, I can, girl. It’s time.
Brandi: You literally can’t at this point.
Beautiful Birthing Chaos
Rachel: And then I think when we start pushing, there was a little meconium present and then a little tickling of some scalps happening. I was like, Oh sis, we got to get together and have this baby. You can’t start crying. We got to cut the crying. And then, you know, all my Oakland came out and I was like, put your chin down and close your mouth and count it to 10. And we shot that baby out 15 minutes. And he’s great. We just had his first birthday, but it was one of those, you know, birth is it’s and motherhood is it’s E all of the above. I call this whole journey, beautiful chaos. And if you remember doing multiple choice scantron exams, it’s just E just bubble to E. If you expect it all, then you’re never like, damn it. I got it wrong. No, you’re like, Oh, it was a little bit of tired. It was a little bit of energized and a little bit of organized and a little bit of chaos.
Brandi: That’s exactly what birth is. That’s exactly what it is.
Rachel: Motherhood. Cause then they don’t teach you in first grade. How do you teach your kid to deal with a bully?
Going by Your Gut
Brandi: They don’t teach, you know what I’m saying? They don’t teach that. And it’s a lot of intuitive go by your gut. That’s what it is. And that relinquishing.
Rachel: And I think if we, as you know, birthing people really tap into that during pregnancy, it is culturally acceptable for boys to have confidence and strength and ego and self-reliance. It is not encouraged of our girls to do that as a mother of black men that I’m raising. I love that. They see that their mother is completely self-reliant. And I also have that and that’s been Rachel’s journey of being like, it’s okay as a strong woman who is capable of doing all of the things to have things done for her as women, we meet and pouring into our girls and our boys to teach. Everybody is capable of all the things and is deserving of receiving care and support.
Privilege and Birth
Brandi: I love that. That’s so good. And it’s so needed. It’s so needed.
I know you do a lot of work when it comes to your organization, Birth Queen. And I wanted to get into that. In your opinion and based on your experience, why is there such a disparity in healthcare for black parents and their children?
Rachel: You know what? I’m going to start in a way that people might not anticipate. I just attended the birth of a very privileged white couple. And I’m going to try to my emotions in, but she was treated in a way that I would never treat an inanimate object. And that couple and I have been talking about how we’re going to handle what happened to her and to watch them as a privileged white couple go, Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. What if my husband wasn’t here?
What if I didn’t have you as my doula? What if I was black? And I said, now you guys kind of know why I can’t stop doing this work. And now we’ve gained a finance bro as a forever ally of birth workers and his wife and things must change.
And we need allyship. Clearly racism is a thing and a lack of devaluing of black people and literally black skin, not just economics, but there is a lack of respect for the woman until we address misogyny in this world, maternal health, black, pink, purple, or green is not going to get better.
And if you think, because you went to school for a little bit longer to hold a damn scalpel and you think that you are better or you’re the authority in a mother in labor, you are dead wrong and you need to find something else to do with your life because no one is an authority of anybody else’s body, but that person. And so we have to communicate. We have to look at the whole picture.
We have to look at a human being and really understand outside of some damn machine, what is going on with that person and listen to women, please. And absolutely black women. I mean, that’s a whole nother level and black women, any black woman that listens to this and everybody that is not a black woman realize that nobody asks black women if they’re okay.
No one, no one, so we don’t know how to identify the moments we are not okay. And we for damn sure don’t know how to communicate when we’re not okay. And then when we go to communicate that, if it’s not received with care, we run within or we burst without because we don’t know what to do with everything we’ve been containing for our entire lives.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think if you open the aperture for women, period, because people need to realize that women are not respected and not listened to.
And we need to open the aperture and say, what is it that we can’t honor the strength of a woman and the delicacy? It is a beautiful, magical paradox and both sides of femininity and the strength of a woman need to be honored because the intersection of that is magic. And if my magic intimidates you, that’s a you problem.
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Black Maternal Health Week
Brandi: When this airs, it’ll be around black maternal health week. So I think this discussion is so, so, so very necessary. Why is this week important?
Rachel: Before I answer that, I often hear white women say black women, you’re so strong and you’re so resilient.
Brandi: Which by the way, whenever I hear that, I immediately power down. Like I immediately start thinking about kale and what I need to cook for dinner. I immediately, I stop listening because if what I hear from that, if you start with that, when you see me, it lets me know that you don’t see it and you don’t see me as a human.
Rachel: I challenge that. I think it’s a yes and. They see their reflection in your mirror is them as small.
Brandi: Okay. I never thought about that.
Rachel: Yeah. I recently had a beautiful experience, educated attorney, lawyer, gorgeous blonde eyes. And she’s like, you guys are just so much stronger and more resilient. I could have responded a lot of ways. I had the courage in that group of quite a few privileged white women to say what I’m about to say. I said, there was this thing called slavery. White men were very strategic about stripping native women, African slave women, and their white wives of all their power. It wasn’t just black women. It wasn’t just native women. It was you too. We all had a place.
And then I take it one step further. There was a reason master said that we were dirty and came and had sex with us nightly, because how would that make their white wife feel that would pit us against one another? Because you know, what he knew is we were powerful and we were damn sure more powerful together. So what we have to do is move the car back and go, Oh, you thought, Oh, got it. Y’all didn’t want us to work together. Well, guess what? We’re going to do that now because we know our power and nobody tries to take power from anybody that doesn’t have it. Nobody’s going to look for gold in the dumpster. That’s not a thing. So we’re all reproductive rights and justice and all this foolishness happening about taking rights from women.
I’m going to try to not drop that false.
Brandi: I love how you said foolishness.
Rachel: Because it’s not even worth you getting mad at you. Like you don’t want me to decide what I’m doing with my body after you think you can do what you want to my body. That is funny. That’s some foolishness.
Brandi: That’s some foolishness.
Rachel: Okay. So would you like me to do things to your body and then you can’t decide what you need to I didn’t think so. So then we don’t have to be to just give this any space in time because this is foolish.
And so when I said that they were like, Oh, and then I took it to answer that specific question about us being so strong and resilient. I said, well, you know, we had this little thing where we had to survive. So we had to figure out how to make chitlins. We had to figure out how to get whipped, raped and still find joy. We had to figure out how master would make me breastfeed your baby and my damn near die. So I figured out how to make formula off the earth.
We had to figure it out. And I, I’m going to tell you something. I’m tired of figuring it out. I’m, I don’t need to figure nothing out. Yeah. But until they understand, we did a little reminder because privilege is ignorance is bliss. Not that they’re like, I’m out here and just ignore everything. No, I don’t think that if we, as, as minorities or other people are like, damn, they chose to ignore what we got. No, they get to as my mother, they walk across the street and not look because the world is built to protect them.And the world was built to break us.
My best friend is Irish Italian from Oakland. She’s in beauty. She was like trying to explain to her company that thought they did such a great job with 40 shades of foundation. She’s like, but did we try it on all the colors? And they were like, no. And then she said, well, do you know anybody that you could try? No. Does anybody work at the store that color? No. Okay. She’s like, we got a little bit more work to do, but the girl she’s like talking about privilege. And there was a white woman that’s like, I had a hard life. She’s like, absolutely. I’m not discounting that. But when you go to CVS or the grocery store, do they have your foundation color? Do they have the shampoo you need? Or is your shampoo and conditioner in a special aisle locked up?
Brandi: It’s a specialty.
Why is Black Maternal Health Week Important?
Rachel: Or does it not exist? You know, you’re not reminded of your otherness. Everything you need is considered in your life. That is privilege. And when she said it like that, I was like, damn.
So why is Black Maternal Health Week important? It is not like a nobody lives matter. Absolutely not. It is Black women are dying at an insane rate at rates higher than ever. Okay.
Brandi: Absolutely.
Rachel: Because there is a dismissal of our pain. There is a clear lack of value in our personage. And what I love to highlight, I don’t know if love is the right word, but it is important that I always highlight. It is not just for Black women dying.
Brandi: No.
Rachel: The Serena Williams of the world, the Tori Bowies of the world are also viewed as this superhuman others being.
Brandi: Yes. Yes.
Rachel: And then guess what they have? More stress because they have more responsibility and they’ve got to have that baby and get back in the game at a pace that men never have to get back. They just keep going.
Brandi: Never even expected of them.
Rachel: But what we’re not understanding as women across the board, but certainly Black women, you are doing serious damage to your insides.
Brandi: Yes.
Rachel: Heart, your pelvic floor, your mind. It’s all your insides. Because listen, there are plenty white women that snap back, that are peeing on themselves on a daily. The pressure we put on women to snap back is got their brains, their heart and their insides all inside out and upside down.
And it’s like, for what? I don’t want to snap back to an old version of me. I’m here for the upgrade because you’re never going back. And I want women…
Brandi: You’re never going back.
Rachel: This version of Brandi is dope.
Birth Queens
Brandi: Way better. So much better.
It’s one of those things too, that we give birth to, I think, a different version of ourselves.
Rachel: Absolutely.
Brandi: And we continually birth another version of ourselves.
Rachel: We are birth queens, baby. It just keeps getting better and better and better. And thank God, my mother, she always was like, it just gets better and better. So I’m so grateful. I had a woman that made me excited to continue this journey. And I don’t look at it as aging.
Brandi: No.
Resources for Black Parents
Rachel: And I know Black women are afraid to have babies now. And that crushes my soul. We hear too much negativity. So yes, there is growth absolutely necessary in maternal health period. But sis, please know that you have options.
There are companies, there are resources, there’s education, both that you can pay privately for that are publicly funded or federally funded to have the support, the education that you need to stay centered in your birth experience so that you don’t leave just surviving, but absolutely thriving. And I suggest every mother have a doula. But certainly I also want to iterate my desire in this work when I get birth queen fully funded is that every Black woman have the ability to choose a Black midwife, a Black doula, a Black lactation counselor.
And if they need to opt for an OB, it’s also a Black provider. Because what we do know as facts on facts on facts is when Black women are cared for by Black women, the outcomes are full stop positive. And by the way, when we care for anybody, the outcomes are positive. So the more we pour into the care of Black women, it’s not taking away from anyone, right? It’s only making it better for everyone.
Brandi: You just said a mouthful, and that was amazing. Can you name some of those resources that provide support for Black parents, mothers, and birthing people in general.
Rachel: Okay. So the first resource I would say is IRTH, which is Kimberly Seals Aller’s app.
Brandi: Love her.
Rachel: So basically it is a Yelp-like review app for us to highlight good providers and out bad providers. It can also be used by non-Black and Brown people to see if the provider they’re going to use has positive reviews or not, right? So let’s not continue to go to a provider that has a bad review for Black and Brown people and a good review for White people, because clearly we know there’s a serious problem there.
May, meetmay.com is a Black female-founded digital platform for Medicaid moms to receive doulas. So it is a place to go if you’re a Black doula and you want to be paired with Medicaid patients and compensated for that. And it is a place as a Medicaid mom to go to have doula resources.
I think it’s also important, many states are rolling out federal funding and reimbursement for Medicaid moms to have doulas. There are many resources to receive education. And also my dream is to have a robust directory for all providers in one place with birth pain. That’s the goal. So I’m going to put it out there, working on it.
But it is important to know that you should never use money as an inhibiting factor to receive the care that you want. So if you want a midwife, if you want a doula and it isn’t covered by insurance, just put it out in the universe, start telling people, talking to people, and just let people know what you’re able to do. And I promise you, midwives, doulas, birth workers are doing God’s work. And no matter what color they are, I would say 99% of them are just some special human beings willing to make sure that you receive the care you deserve.
The other unique option that I always recommend is do not register for Gucci sneakers for your baby, register for your needs. Register for your care, prenatal, postpartum, birth, because it is important that mom is good for everyone else to thrive.
Must-Have Products
Brandi: What’s a must have product that you recommend to new parents?
Rachel: Yeah, so I know everybody’s gonna be like, Lord Ergobaby didn’t pay her to say that. I’m not, it’s a real thing. So I wore my babies and carry my babes. I had a wrap. Wraps and carries are great when they’re super tiny and they just can’t hold anything together. I prefer a soft wrap.
So yeah, I mean, if I had to just say a wrap and the structured carrier for sure, as baby grows and Ergo is amazing. And then just those little things that make you feel like, oh, I’m still me. That you feel pretty postpartum, because it’s a lot.
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How to Support Black Women
Brandi: What are some ways as a community we can support black women, parents and birthing people?
Rachel: See us, listen, question your story. And at the time we’re living in right now, really step back and ask yourself, what is really different between us? And anyone that is of faith, you could call it God, devil, whatever. Let go darkness and light. What benefits you by attaching to darkness and seeing the bad in somebody? Because someone’s dark ways often are coming out of a painful broken place.
And it doesn’t mean you need to engage someone’s darkness, but you certainly don’t need to attack something you don’t understand, judge something you don’t understand, try to break something you don’t understand. And I think as humanity, and yes, absolutely, we’re specifically talking about black people, but pull back off of the darkness. And can you ask yourself to see everyone’s light?
And if we really choose to see everyone’s light, I don’t see how we don’t all benefit from that. And if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your children, do it for your grandchildren. Native Americans always have the beautiful perspective of thinking seven generations ahead of themselves.
And in the world we’re in of like instant gratification in technology, which is also why I think suicide rates are so high, depression rates are so high, is we are so self-involved and so in the moment and worried about controlling the next or living in the past, just like come to the now and be grateful for that and really live in a place of gratitude. So I know that’s like a artistic, esoteric, weird way to answer the question, but I don’t think it’s as complicated as we make it. If you don’t understand something, I think I’ll leave you with this.
Samuel saw Shrek for the first time and he said, Shrek is scary. I said, why baby? And he paused, I said, is it just because he’s different? And he goes, oh, I said, okay, he’s big and he’s green and his ears are different, but does that mean he’s bad? And at four or five, he was like, oh no. So if we get in the habit of not being afraid of those things that are different than us, I think we’re all in a much better place.
What Keeps You Up at Night as a Mother?
Brandi: Is there anything that keeps you up at night?
Rachel: I don’t wanna be up at night worrying if my black sons are gonna come home. So although I’m not directly attacking racism at large or equity for black men, I am the mother of soon to be black men in this world.
And so I believe by pouring into black mothers and women at large, I am hopefully creating a safer world for my boys. And if a black mother is stressed out during her birth, traumatized during her birth, that trauma is gonna live in her children at a cellular level. So my goal is to start before the babies, to make sure that moms are honored and respected so that they don’t have to live in trauma while their baby’s in utero because it passes to them.
And I had my vision for birth queen when I was eight months pregnant with Baldwin. And I was unable to go to sleep in my third trimester because I was afraid of having another black son. And to me, spirit, my artist brought this vision to me to calm that.
And so I go to sleep easy at night knowing I’m living my purpose. And I get up early knowing I might not have the answer, but I’m doing it my way. And my boys have joy every day.
And that’s my goal. And sure, there’s evil and painful things that happen every single day. But I also challenge us, be careful what you eat because it will have you thinking that is all there is in this life. And it’s just not.
Brandi: That part.
Rachel: Choose love and choose life. Be the love in the room. Be the light in the room. And let me tell y’all, I can’t tell you all my business.
I mean, it would be a whole another 5, 17 episodes. But this year, honey, tried to take me out. But yesterday, light won. I’m still traveling out of the valley that people have tried to put me in. But I always stayed true to who I am. And I know my heart and I leave with love. And that will always win. It does not always feel that way. But it helps. But you’re able to go to sleep at night. So it’s like, you know what? I can go to sleep at night because I live and lead with love and light. And I think that’s the answer. If you’re up at night, give it to him and just stay in a place of love and light. That’s that’s all the advice I could give.
Baby Advice
Brandi: That’s so good. I was going to ask you lastly, because a lot of our parents are, you know, we’re releasing this podcast at night. So they’re going to be up probably pacing the floor with their little ones, trying to get them to go to sleep in that moment of stress and frenzy. What would you tell them?
Rachel: Take a deep breath. Your baby feels your energy. Your schedule does not matter.
And if you’re tired, that’s OK. And if they’re not yet ready to go to bed, that’s OK. And it doesn’t matter what time anyone goes to bed or where they go to bed, as long as everyone gets rest.
And that every single morning, I have to give this quote to my mother. Every single morning is an opportunity to start fresh. Every morning you start fresh. That’s it. Just start fresh. When you’re tired, everything is a mess, OK? You’re emotional, you’re angsty, you’re anxious. Just be like, ooh, I’m tired, boss. OK, so now that is why I feel like my whole life is falling apart.
And then you go to sleep and oxytocin surges in the middle of the night and your body rests and heals and replenishes. And then you wake up and you’re like, my life is not perfect, but I woke up. And so just, again, living in that place of gratitude and not failure, you start fresh. Just start again.
Brandi: So good. I appreciate you. I’m so honored to watch the work that you do. I really am, friend. And the world is better because of you in it. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much.
Rachel: Thank you, Brandi.
Takeaways
Brandi: I don’t know about you, but that was so very helpful. I think the thing that stood out for me when she said, you are not the problem.
You are the solution to your child’s needs. That hit me so hard because I feel like so often when we’re holding our baby and they’re crying and they’re inconsolable because they have colic or a blowout diaper, we immediately think of all the things that we possibly have done wrong or where we’re not measuring up. It just was such a breath of fresh air to hear her say that no mama, no parent, no papa.
You are not the problem. You are the solution. I hope this helps you.
I hope this supports you. And I hope this episode has made your life with baby just a little bit easier.
Ergobaby is dedicated to building a global community of confident parents. The Life with Baby podcast is just one of many ways we hope to support parents through all the joys and jobs of parenting. This podcast was produced by Tiffany Toby, edited by Angel Hunter, shorts edited by Hannah Speckart, written by Vittoria Allen, sound design and theme song by John Jackson, graphics designed by Noah Friedenberg, and our Executive Producers are Christina Soletti and Kalani Robinson. I’m your host, Brandi Sellerz -Jackson.
