Understanding and Supporting Your Child Through Separation Anxiety
Family & Parenting
Vittoria Allen - February 26, 2024
As parents, witnessing our babies and toddlers experience separation anxiety can be heart-wrenching. Those moments when they cling to us, cry inconsolably when we leave, or express distress at being apart can bring up all kinds of feelings - feelings of guilt and helplessness, overwhelm, and even frustration. However, separation anxiety is a natural and normal part of child development, signaling important milestones in their emotional growth. Let’s dive into why it happens and how we can support them.   

What is Separation Anxiety? 

Separation anxiety refers to the distress or anxiety that infants and toddlers experience when separated from their primary caregivers, typically around 6 to 8 months of age. It is a normal developmental phase that indicates your child's growing awareness of their attachment to you and their understanding of object permanence—the concept that objects (including people) continue to exist even when they are out of sight.  During this stage, your child may exhibit clinginess, crying, or resistance when you leave their presence or attempt to leave them with a caregiver. This behavior can be so challenging for both children and parents, but it is an essential part of their emotional development as they learn to navigate their relationships and surroundings. 

Why Does Separation Anxiety Happen? 

Several factors contribute to separation anxiety in babies and toddlers:  
  1. Attachment Development: Attachment theory suggests that infants form strong emotional bonds with their primary caregivers, providing them with a sense of security and trust. As babies grow and develop, they become increasingly attached to their caregivers, leading to separation anxiety when they are apart.
  2. Cognitive Development: Around 6 to 8 months of age, babies begin to develop object permanence—the understanding that objects and people exist even when they cannot be seen. This newfound awareness can trigger anxiety when they realize that their caregiver is not present.
  3. Environmental Changes: Changes in routine or environment, such as starting daycare or being cared for by a new caregiver, can exacerbate separation anxiety as children adjust to unfamiliar surroundings and faces.
  4. Parental Influence: Parental behaviors and responses to separation can also influence a child's experience of separation anxiety. A child may pick up on a parent's own anxiety or reluctance to leave, intensifying their own feelings of distress.

How to Help Your Child Through Separation Anxiety 

While separation anxiety can be challenging, there are several strategies parents can employ to support their child through this phase: 
  1. Establish Trust: Build a strong foundation of trust and security by responding promptly and consistently to your child's needs. Offer reassurance through soothing words, gentle touch, and comforting gestures to help them feel safe and secure.
  2. Gradual Separation: Ease your child into separations gradually, starting with short periods apart and gradually increasing the duration over time. Practice leaving them with a familiar caregiver or in a familiar environment to help them feel more comfortable and secure.
  3. Create Rituals: Establish predictable routines and rituals around separations to provide a sense of comfort and predictability for your child. Saying a special goodbye phrase or leaving a comforting object, such as a favorite toy or blanket, can help ease the transition.
  4. Stay Positive: Maintain a positive and upbeat attitude when saying goodbye to your child, even if they are upset. Reassure them that you will return and emphasize the fun and exciting activities they will engage in while you are apart.
  5. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge and validate your child's feelings of anxiety and distress. Let them know that it's okay to feel sad or worried and offer words of comfort and understanding to help them cope with their emotions.
  6. Encourage Independence: Foster your child's sense of independence and self-confidence by encouraging age-appropriate activities that promote autonomy and mastery. Encourage them to explore their environment, engage in play, and interact with other children under your supervision.
  7. Be Patient and Consistent: Recognize that separation anxiety is a normal and temporary phase of development that will eventually pass with time and patience. Be consistent in your responses to your child's distress and trust that they will gradually become more comfortable with separations as they grow older.

How Babywearing Can Help with Separation Anxiety 

Babywearing can be a valuable tool in helping to alleviate separation anxiety in young children. Here's how babywearing can help: 
  1. Promotes Secure Attachment: Babywearing allows infants and toddlers to maintain close physical contact with their primary caregiver, promoting a secure attachment bond. This closeness helps reassure children that their caregiver is nearby, providing a sense of security and comfort that can help reduce separation anxiety.
  2. Facilitates Bonding: Carrying your baby or toddler in a sling or carrier allows for increased physical closeness and bonding between parent and child. The gentle rocking motion and skin-to-skin contact promote feelings of warmth and connection, strengthening the parent-child relationship and fostering a sense of trust and security.
  3. Provides Comfort and Soothing: Being held close to a caregiver's body in a carrier can have a calming effect on babies and toddlers, helping to soothe them when they are feeling anxious or distressed. The rhythmic movement of walking or moving about can mimic the sensations of being in the womb, providing a familiar and comforting environment for your child.
  4. Facilitates Transitioning: Babywearing can make transitions between caregivers or unfamiliar environments smoother and less stressful for young children. Being held close to a parent's body in a carrier can provide a sense of continuity and security during transitions, helping children feel more at ease in new situations or when separated from their primary caregiver.
  5. Promotes Independence: Contrary to common misconceptions, babywearing does not foster dependence in children; rather, it promotes a sense of independence and autonomy. By allowing children to explore their surroundings from the safety of a caregiver's embrace, babywearing encourages curiosity, exploration, and confidence in young children.
  6. Allows for Responsive Caregiving: Babywearing enables caregivers to respond promptly to their child's needs, providing comfort and reassurance as needed. Whether it's feeding, comforting, or simply being present, babywearing allows caregivers to be responsive to their child's cues and signals, fostering a sense of security and trust in the parent-child relationship.
  1. Encourages Social Interaction: Carrying your baby or toddler in a carrier allows them to be at eye level with their caregiver, facilitating social interaction and communication. Babies and toddlers can observe and engage with their surroundings while feeling connected to their caregiver, promoting social development and emotional well-being.
As mentioned, separation anxiety is a natural and normal part of child development that signals important milestones in emotional growth and attachment. While it can be challenging for both children and parents, understanding what's really going on and supporting your child through it can help ease the transition for your child and strengthen your bond as caregivers.