We are Family: B's Story-- An Open Adoption

I met my sweetheart, Nate, in 2001. I fell  head over heels in love with him.  We dated for a while before he finally got down on one knee and begged asked me to marry him in 2003. I obliged and four short months later we were doing the below. Making a run for it!

We spent the next few years figuring out how to live with each other and thinking the first few years of marriage was the hard part. We bought a cute little house, worked hard at our jobs, and I felt like it was time to start a family. It took a little longer to convince him of this fact.  But he's a guy, and let's face it, the trying is fun. I tried to relax for the first few months, but when those months turned into a year, I kinda started to panic.  PANIC. PANIC. I won't bore you with all the rest of the details, but those months turned into years. Years where I felt very incredibly Alone. Heartbroken. Devastated. When my emotions could no longer handle the infertility world, we slammed the door on that and I never looked back.  I thought I was immediately ready to head towards adoption. Adoption had always had a place in my heart.  We had "the talk" during our pre-marital counseling. The talk about how if we couldn't reproduce, we of course would "just adopt".  Sounds simple, right? Nate needed a little more time before jumping head-first into the next thing.  It was wise.  I took the time to grieve those shattered dreams. I came to the point where pregnancy and genes were not anywhere near as important to me as being a mommy. We began the adoption process and nine months later after wading through piles of paperwork and home study visits, we received a call that our profile was going to be shown to an expectant mother.  Ash was a young college girl in our area who had waited until late in her pregnancy to choose adoptive parents for her “little bundle” (as she called him).  She spent months praying that God would guide her in choosing adoptive parents.  She was motivated by wanting the very best for her baby, and finally felt like God had given her a picture of who the adoptive parents should be. When she viewed our profile, she knew we were the parents she was looking for. We were excited and nervous when we learned that we would meet Ash, as well as her Mom, Dad, and sister. When we walked through the door, she jumped from her seat and gave us both a huge hug. As we spent the next hours in conversation, laughter and tears, we quickly began to love this very brave amazing young woman. It was very evident to us what a selfless person she was. Six days after our initial meeting, our social worker called to let us know that she was in labor and our son was on the way!! Our son, B, was born that morning!  Two days later we arrived at the hospital for B's release. Ash, initially, requested a very limited amount of contact.  She wanted to spend every minute of those first two days with him, because she didn’t know when she would see him again.  We were very open to openness, but the amount of time between our meeting and B's birth didn’t allow any of us to really know how things would turn out. When we walked in the hospital room, B was sleeping on Ash's chest and he was so beautiful and perfect in every way.   Her eyes were filled with tears as she watched him sleep. We exchanged tearful hugs with the whole family, and gathered in a huge prayer circle around her hospital bed. She then handed B to me. I stood there holding him as the whole family said their good-byes. It was the biggest mix of emotions I have ever experienced; pure joy in holding this precious baby who now belonged to us, but overwhelming grief for Ash and her family. After placement, we really hoped Ash would be open to emailing directly with us. When her social worker told us that she was interested in the same arrangement, we were so thrilled, and we started emailing her the next day. We were so excited each time we received an email from her!  In her email replies she always closed with how confident and secure she was in us, and even though she was devastated, her heart was at peace. She felt that this was the way things were supposed to be all along.  About three months later, we got together with Ash's family, for the first time since the hospital.  What an amazing reunion it was!  We talked and cried the day away!  The open adoption doors have been wide open ever since then and they are just part of our family.  We live about an hour away and see them as often as time allows for everyone. At one of the adoption seminars that we attended, we were told that we would want to adopt our child's birthmother, just as much as we wanted to adopt her baby. We really could not comprehend this and thought it was a little “out there," until we met Ash.  She is so very special to us and we feel that she and her family are as much a part of our family as B is. We know they feel the same way about us. B is close to five years old now and knows and loves his birth mom and family.  He talks about her very openly and you'll often hear him telling people stories about his "Birf mom," like everyone should know who she is.  Our relationship is great and matured through the years.  Our mutual respect for each other and our love for B and each other continues to propel our relationship.   This post was submitted by reader Amber, as part of our Adoption Awareness Month Series.  Amber is the blogger behind Bumber’s Bumblings.  She is a wife and a mother of two beautiful children. Amber enjoys making new friends, running, cooking and chocolate. For several years, Amber shared in the isolation and devastation that so many women suffering from infertility experience—until she and Nate were led to open adoption.